time

Marriage Love Feelings

By James Quandt, LCSW
Oak Park, IL
The science of good marriage research most recently talks a lot about healing and building the marital bond.

Counseling at Pathway may help those marrieds who are happy, to launch greater marital growth, aiming to help them grow more love feelings. But also, it might help couples at odds to create new experiences together. In this, they tell their spouse their bad feelings as they have time and time again in the past, but now in counseling as they do this, they may start to feel their spouse's care. Now they can address difficult issues more productively.

Feeling that your spouse cares really helps toward a happy marriage.

In conflict resolution in marriage, a well-quoted maxim may apply: They don't care what you know (your perspective), until they know that you care.

Neuroscience explains some about the love feelings of marriage, physiologically. The hormone oxytocin is made when we trust, bond, or are attracted to our spouse. (It is highest during intimacy. Also, for a man, it is part of his sleepiness after.) Unlike dopamine (our neurochemical for pleasure, which an addict can get hooked on), we don't need more and more oxytocin for us to love or be attracted. Yet, a 2-minute hug per day from our spouse taps those oxytocin feelings. Kissing does it too! To aid those bonding feelings, some counselors even suggest agreeing to hold hands while addressing conflict!

Here's another good thing in marriage: being nice! The neurochemical serotonin, if at the right levels, famously helps people with mood, so also can help with trying to be “nice.”

Things God-given, in our brains, helping boost marriage love feelings.